♥Its the way to my heaven

tonight

2011-11-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

tonight, im breaking down again.
so tired. i dont know why. dont even know when. all i know is, i want to escape.

i remember the night i ran away from a fight.
i remember the night she stroke my head.
the times she scratch my back and i scratch hers.
the times she bought cooking books for me.
the time we painted my room together.
the times i disturbed her when she was watching her favourite tv show.
i miss her. so much.
the only one who knew me and loved me.

you let me go when im not ready to leave.

5 months, and 3 days.

muito

2011-06-20T22:37:00.001+08:00

i hope im doing this right.

the 10th day of her absence. i could feel the longing for her calling out my name to do house chores.

wish you well. best.
forever at peace.
eternity of happiness.

亲爱的，奶奶

2011-06-11T01:56:00.001+08:00

很对不起。对不起。对不起。
我希望我能在重头做多一次。
很对不起。
我永远不该让您做这些粗工。
很对不起。
我很想按磨您的脚。
对不起。
但一切已太晚了。
您，已登极乐。

我爱你，我；很想念您。

interpretation

2011-06-02T02:52:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered why some stayed, some left and some vanished?

Sometimes i thought well maybe its destined. For them not to be in my life and me in their lives. Maybe we were all meant to cross at each other paths for once only. Thats all we get, and how we utilize it is beyond the earth's control.

and sometimes i have this believe, that i'd like to hold my belief on. Is that, the reason they weren't there when you celebrate one of the important days in your life, is because you didn't want them to be. You see, we choose. Thats what we do, we choose what to eat, what to do next, which university to go to, or which career path to take, its all about choosing. So if someone come along and tell you, oh well maybe we're not destined together, he/she is literally shitting on your face.

yeah well,i'm quite sure i made everything clear ay, and thats pretty much about it.

goodmorning (:

Have a little faith

2011-05-17T22:43:00.000+08:00

wonder what they're doing right now cause i miss them.

death itself is not scary.

the scariest part about being dead is, the question - will they remember me?

down down down

2011-03-21T20:58:00.000+08:00

what do you do when stress haunts you?
when the place you thought could bring peace was the one thats causing it what do you do?
what do you do when you feel a part of you is gone with the wind?
what do you do?

its easy to be happy.

but its not easy to be happy all the time.

and the first is what i manage to keep for a few moments.

sigh

2011-03-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

cant believe i got a fucking 42 for my maths. and guess what? the whole paper is just me and my careless mistakes. fuck la

also breaking my record of 5 years for this damn mark.
i always get at least 60 and above all the time for my maths and now i feel so fucked up.

urghhh!!!!

2011-03-05T22:14:00.002+08:00

damn i actually miss clubbing.

piles and piles of work. omg

Gun N' Roses

2011-03-02T01:48:00.000+08:00

I know that you can love me, when there's no one left to blame

-November Rain

2011-02-26T20:42:00.000+08:00

It feels like shes crying too, giving me comfort.
and that exact moment when she gave me her hand, i knew why i love her all along.

2011-02-25T21:02:00.000+08:00

What should i do when i miss you?

and

2011-02-23T20:56:00.000+08:00

and to fall back into the same position again, im afraid.

and i have her to thank for. for all these nightmares i have.

and its not gonna end, it'll always be here with me, just like my shadow.

and i can't say it.

ill have to pretend, nothing ever happened.

2011-02-22T19:05:00.000+08:00

Hey babeh, i think i wanna marry you.

Endomembrane system

2011-02-20T22:30:00.000+08:00

omg, please wish me luck for Biology test tomorrow!

Hope everything doesn't sleep off from me tomorrow morning

*fingers crossed*

Biology study in continuation (:

from above

2011-02-18T16:58:00.000+08:00

There''s nothing i can do, just sit and wait. Sit and wait.

I only want something so normal and simple, why is it so hard?

Studying. aih

주르륵

2011-02-16T16:19:00.000+08:00

Suffocate.

And pumping in oxygen is not gonna work.

Acting like i don't care when you're around, and when you're gone.

Crave. Hunger. Thirst.

fuck this shit

Love, 爱 , Cinta

2011-02-15T03:10:00.000+08:00

If its so easy, is not love. If its so simple, is not love. If love, can only be shown on valentine, is definitely not love.

Happy Valentines (:

We're in heaven

2011-02-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

Tried lying to myself, its not working. I still miss you.
Reminds me bout a small part of To Kill A Mockingbird, a book i read, it says "he didn't forget, he's just hiding it burying it deep down ignoring it, and when he's ready to face it again, he'll.
i think, thats what i've been doing.

Days passed, hours minutes seconds, bring the very day closer. And i hate that day. I hate it.

What made people become further apart, is what initially drew them together. But they've forgotten why, and how. I guess thats why they're drifting apart from one another.

Im learning so much about myself these few days. It was surprising, yet wasn't very. A sudden realization perhaps.

Studying Biology. sigh

Make the container bigger

2011-02-12T00:37:00.000+08:00

There's a story from Zen tradition about a young student who is suffering so terribly, he can't get a moment's rest. So he goes to his master to ask for help.
The teacher advices him to put a table spoon of coarse salt in a glass of water, stir it around, and drink it down. The student does as he's told. Of course the water tastes terribly salty.
"Now" , says the teacher, indicating the spring that bubbling from the ground, "i want you to pour a tablespoon of salt into the spring water." The student does. When the student instructs him to drink the spring water, the student finds that the taste of salt is imperceptible.
"The problem is not the salt," says the master. "The problem is the container. You have to make the container bigger."

From the book Letters To Sam in Make The Container Bigger chapter.

Every woman in the world

2011-02-07T19:00:00.000+08:00

Women in love are simple.
They only want to be there for you when you need them, and you to be here whenever.

Stereo love

2011-02-06T01:10:00.000+08:00

How will i ever say i miss you again? The thought of classes will be commencing after today really stress me out. Im not ready for class. Like mentally. And its so weird, im still not used to the thought that ill be going to class like i did for weeks. Thought i'd be used to it already, well, i did. But now, thinking about it aches me as much. I guess im numb. Just numb.
Have you ever had that feeling of heartache, hurts so much and you can't describe it you can't tell if its real or not, but you know, some part of you is missing, and is always for better. So you'd rather say nothing do nothing and just let time washes it off. Like a worn out leather, you can wipe it clean, keep it clean, but it'll always have that black spot.

When you love something, set it free. Don't expect it to come back, Don't expect anything. Let it go like you really intend to, because you know, seeing them better without you gives more satisfaction than anything.

2011-02-05T00:05:00.002+08:00

people's favorite thing to do on me.

Sun'd rise like yesterday

2011-02-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

The shortest cny, the most happening not cny, must be these 2 days. By today, Friday night, my house fall back to the quiet house it has been for quite some time. And by tomorrow night, it'd be just 3 of us. How boring can this be?

And the foods in my house, mounting up like Everest, everyone seems to be so full and bloated with food but the amount of food is still that much!

and more. wtf

Ending this post with,

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone out there, and may the year of rabbit brings you joy and happiness.

Pa pa l' americano

2011-01-31T23:15:00.000+08:00

Guess what? No more headache but coughs come in for substitution. what the hell is this.

Doing manicure, aaah what pattern should i have on my pink nails? (:

Trouble double.

2011-01-30T23:44:00.000+08:00

That feeling, with every step you take is like a knife is stabbing you at the back of your thighs. Every step ahead, is like a challenge to stay balanced with groceries bags, wet floor, slippery slippers. Pretty much what i had to went through this afternoon.

Sick again as expected. Sore, headache, and serious flu. AND all of this started because of some continuous sneeze i had. wtf

还欠你的我不能给，别把我心也带走

2011-01-29T23:40:00.001+08:00

i think im falling sick again. thefug.

Im here to help you notice the rainbow

2011-01-28T22:57:00.000+08:00

I’m waiting, waiting, just waiting,

I’m waiting, waiting outside the lines

Waiting outside the lines

Try to have no regrets

even if it’s just tonight

How you gonna walk ahead

if you keep living blind?

I don't wanna miss a thing.

2011-01-27T20:46:00.002+08:00

I just wanna stay here with you forever and ever.

Cause even when i dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do.

Don't wanna close my eyes,don't wanna fall asleep.

2011-01-27T00:02:00.000+08:00

after all these years, i guess i finally learnt something.

That when you're in love, don't use your head, follow your heart. What your head tells you, is gonna pain you, just down right deep down. It makes sense to people that it doesn't makes sense to not use head, after all we're all thinkers and thats why its there for.

But you know that feeling you get, you had something but not really having it and when you thought you have it, you actually don't and won't have it. Know that feeling? sigh

How should i express it in a way that it tells you exactly how i feel right now? Hm. No idea.
Getting over it soon. At least i hope.

Got me a flower. and

2011-01-26T17:45:00.003+08:00

drama drama drama

fuckin' perfect.

2011-01-25T17:30:00.000+08:00

Its not necessary a good thing. Well maybe it is, probably not for me, when people likes you and you don't like them back. And all the mess it creates, you never know.

Welcome to my silly life
mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood.

2011-01-24T16:44:00.000+08:00

"Why you keep doing that?"
"Do what?"
"This, (sigh)"
"Haha"

2011-01-22T12:46:00.002+08:00

its so funny and sad at the same time, falling for a guy your close friend hates.

2011-01-20T13:36:00.001+08:00

one of the worst night of my life. fuck

Fridays

2011-01-14T20:16:00.001+08:00

Watched the guys play futsal and then a drink and then back home.

Oh and i actually drafted one post in my phone while watching them play, but i figured its too emo-depressed-ish, shall update it on my diary then.

aih, i wanna play pool :(
whatever la, study!

2011-01-11T22:09:00.003+08:00

“If people are truly, madly, deeply in love with each other, they will find a way.”

for the first time

2011-01-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

Oh boy, i miss you like hell

close to coast

2011-01-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

and the fantasy of life runs as we walk. play as we are eaten up bits by bits by the earth. speaks when we are mute. and it runs along that beach.

very random.

“People say they love truth, but in reality they want to believe that which they love is true.”
Robert J. Ringer quotes

smudge.

2011-01-06T23:56:00.000+08:00

Can you at least, pretend?
sigh

Nothing is going well recently, not feeling good either. So far, im only looking forward to Saturday.
Those days i was looking forward to, changed so frequently that i don't think im looking forward to it anymore.
Its like crashing things i've been holding on to.

Sighing too much.
Continue the rest of the post in diary.

Don't let me fall

2011-01-01T05:04:00.000+08:00

Couldn't believe how easy can things change within days. How much change one can make. Inevitable.

Anyway,

HAPPY NEW YEAR (:

Had a bottle of Heineken with the guys and pool and poker cards.

Not too bad for a night.

Last day of work tomorrow, still recovering from fever cough and sore throat.

big sigh.

Mad, frustrations, and disappointment.

2010-12-30T22:42:00.000+08:00

Whats with love and everything that comes along?

It wasn't right to hope but i did. I believed you'd be here, but you weren't. You weren't.

Another reason to smile

2010-12-25T17:07:00.000+08:00

Happy Merry Christmas (:

Though im not a christian or whatever, but yeah.

Working on both eve and Christmas day itself is no fun. sigh stress.

Not celebrating. Not doing anything special. Not feeling special. But i got something special.

Another reason to smile.

3 hours of sleep for me, have to sleep now. Update soon? Maybe.

Good Evening!

The long wait

2010-12-05T05:08:00.000+08:00

Ahhh!! Finally! :D Night off from Quattro! :D

Fucking tiring to work as shooter girl kay, have to drink some more. But its okay la since the drinks is free and tastes good with some free cigarettes from customer as well and tips. Hmmm hey why do i feel like i'd missed a fun night?

Oh by the way, Quattro is in KL (: Somewhere near twin towers. I like the idea of that place, they have four seasons for different kind of place. Spring something, Autumn Club, Winter Bar, and Summer something. Very fun indeed. and yeah i just started not long ago on Wednesday night.

Okay, very tired already now. Updates soon ((:

I MISS MUSHYNESS!

May it be

2010-11-29T02:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes things are not what it is, sometimes promises are just tools to pass through another hardship, sometimes words aren't exactly what it is.

Seriously why and how come people never understand that you can't say the same things too many times it gets boring it gets annoying then it became irritating and anger rises. I mean how can people not know about it? Don't they know there's limit to everything we do? Say for an example, i have a friend he every single time he starts a conversation with me, he always starts by saying "Hi" then ill reply " Hello, how are you?" he replies me with "great / awesome / fine / (whatever there is)" then thats the end of the story! you see at the beginning its always like this then he'll ask me find a topic to talk about. Generally who the hell asks someone "find a topic to talk to" ? Shouldn't things and topics come flowing to you instead? OR

Hi
Hello
How are you?
Good (:
great
So how are you?
awesome
good then
yeah
how was your day?
(explains)
what are you doing?
(explains)
ok

Normally this is it. After that he'll tell me he's busy or some sort when i actually wasn't replying him already. Because things get boring, when it gets boring it will be annoying then irritating. Unless you do it on purpose to annoy someone then i have nothing to say about that but that obviously wasn't on purpose. I may seem to look like the one who's boring here but trust me i've tried every way i could possibly find to talk about. But it always end up on complete full stop before i know it.

Its not your fault if you dont have good socializing skill, but it is your fault not trying to fix it.

Knights of Cydonia

2010-11-24T02:36:00.000+08:00

Spent 3 days to celebrate the big one eight with 3 different group of people in my life.

First day in my aunt's house, second out of the house with friends, third in house with family eat steamboat.

Though i wouldn't say that i truthfully enjoyed but i did had a great day. Oh no, 3 great days.

&thank you for all the surprises, oh you don't know how excited i was unwrapping presents, and to find out what-i-want is just beneath it. Its so very great and yes im still extremely happy.

And i want to thank my mum here for telling my aunt 'bout the thing i want yet couldn't get my hands on. Though if you must know, i never called her mum before. Or mi or ma, or mami or mummy. Never did. Because i think names shouldn't be called just for the sake of it but means it.

Anyhow, will upload a few of the pictures taken later, on next post perhaps.

A RM150 cake from Alexis.

Gives great desire for second piece, but its a wee bit too costly.

(Mum, x, Brother)

Birthday Sex

2010-11-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to myself, i made it to the 18th year (:

2010-11-21T03:24:00.000+08:00

Love it.

丁噹 - 洋葱

如果你愿意一层一层
一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑最深处的秘密

如果你愿意一层一层
一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我看到我的全心全意
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我看到我的全心全意

Google Translate ;

If you want one levelLayer of the peel open my heartYou will find that you will be shockedYou are my most suppressed secret of the deepest
If you want one levelLayer of the peel open my heartYour nose will run, you will tearAs long as you can hear my heart I seeYour nose will run, you will tearAs long as you can hear my heart I see

呐闷

2010-11-20T22:53:00.003+08:00

Can i die?

seven sien dou omfg. SIGH

Chasing Cars

2010-11-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

Has it become a necessity to lie or is it just me couldn't accept fact that the world is filled with lies?

Hurt me with truth i'd appreciate. But don't hurt me with lies, i can not afford it.

Sometimes i'd rather think of it as a challenge, something to challenge on trust, in truth it wasn't a challenge but a show hand.

Things can change in a split of second what more months? I wouldn't mutter a word, i wouldn't spill the beans, i wouldn't make it hard for you, i wouldn't let awkward pauses happen, because i cherish what we had and have.

If you can't be there when im bored, don't expect me to be there when you are. Because nothing comes easily, work hard you may have what you want, zero work guarantees nothing.

What i want to say is, im tired. Of all this.

p/s this post is posted for several people. that explains the randomness. On top of that, i know pretty damn well they wouldn't care to read, they might even forgotten i've a blog thats alive.

. you

2010-11-13T13:18:00.001+08:00

tired of making plans with people who don't gives a shit, __|__ nah

fuck you, fuck you very very much.

Heartbeat

2010-11-11T00:35:00.000+08:00

im not happy.

go die please urgh!

Sampai syurga

2010-11-04T01:37:00.000+08:00

Sampai syurga ku menunggu sampai syurga ku cinta mu, hanya kamu..

A shoulder to lean on, a shoulder to cry on, a person whom you can complain to, a person whom understand you throughly, a person who won't do the same thing over again
i had all these people, for a short while. I'd like to say i miss them alot. I miss the way i could say something without meaning it. I miss the days i could just hang out and not think about anything else. I miss those.

Listen to, Yang Terindah by Dakmie alright, good song.
OH don't gimme that omg-its-a-malay-song look, its a great song.
Just listen will you? (:

Na na na na na na na na

2010-11-02T12:42:00.000+08:00

Its weird for me to admit this, but actually. I miss the days at home without anybody else but me and my brothers and is only yesterday my sister grandma including others came back from trip. Suddenly the house is filled with noise i've been hearing for 18 years but still couldn't get quite used to.

& i miss the room i just cleaned.. its dirty again + messy, thanks to my sister and cousin.

2nd last final test is tomorrow i haven't revise anything yet. I feel like stabbing myself to death.

Whenever i try to study is like there must be distractions you know. Just like yesterday while i was in the library, 2 person simultaneously messaged me, just when i thought "Okay, i should study now." damn.

Searching jobs for holiday after finals (:

Think ill be working in pubs?

Not so much of updates now.

Trashy

2010-10-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

you make me feel.

Never really understood what i want
Never really understand how i felt.
Never really know why.
Never bother asking twice.
Never bother knowing.

&every time i thought i could write a million words post about you, my mind got stuck whenever i try to explain the way i feel about you and how you made me felt.

Perhaps its nothing, just foax.

Meaningless

2010-10-12T22:44:00.001+08:00

The Chinese saying "When you're home you depend on your family, when you're out you depend on friends."

Well i guess have neither.

Do you really think i like asking you for something? I hate it. I hate it.
Do you think i'd bother talking to you?
Do you think i like begging for something I had been yearning for years?
Do you think i like doing things i don't enjoy?
Do you think I don't know you're lying?
What is so tough in telling me you don't wish to give it to me?
Think about it bitch.
& who are you? Oh yeah, my "family".

Don't ask me for anything in future, I'd treat you the same way __|__

Untitled

2010-10-08T21:57:00.002+08:00

All i needed you to do, is to ask why and counteract.

But its alright, i know where its going.

Im staying right here.

The last man

2010-10-05T01:30:00.000+08:00

OH i love love love love love love CLINT MANSELL & i can't say i love it more! ((((: im SO taken by him/her. Be it straight / lesbo i dont care, i love his/her song ohmaigod.

anyway, im not in a good mood because my finals is in less than 5 weeks approximately 4 weeks time sigh, and my chemistry still suck like hell. what the hell.

晚安 (:

Time for miracle

2010-09-23T22:09:00.000+08:00

I don't know if i could if this is the way things are going.
I need assurance, but you fail to give.
You do one today, and you do another tomorrow.
You kept your options open, i left mine reserved.
Thats not the way, it should be.
I won't consider no more, let the wave of life bring me back to land.

lights are down low, low like the late evening sun.

2010-09-18T04:49:00.000+08:00

I find stupidity in things i do. I find naive hiding behind my face. I find fools seeking for me.

No longer certainty but doubts.

Not the matter of time. Not the matter of distance. But the matter of space in between.

Not the same anymore.

and, thats how i feel about you.

Take me, to the magic of the moment

2010-09-17T06:53:00.000+08:00

I don't have rich relatives. I'm not born eating with golden spoon. I don't have a happy-go-lucky family. I don't see my parents everyday. I don't have the best siblings. I don't own the perfect attitude. I don't look perfect. I don't talk much. I don't have Mac. I don't have IPhone. I don't have my own room. I don't have a walk-and-count-till-you-die wardrobe. I don't own expensive things. I don't have beautiful house. I don't have dogs that bring in newspaper.

But why does it even matter?

Though i don't have rich relatives, they still bring me out for dinner, for supper, for breakfast, for lunch, for tea. I wasn't born in rich family like some, but it doesn't matter, because the maximum enjoyment and pleasure for something you have is not the one bought by anybody else but yourself with all the hard earn money. I don't see them everyday then it makes the time we had much more worthwhile and the true appreciation of it. Brothers and sister might not be the best, they buy me no gift, they send me no wish but its alright, i know they love me as much as i do. Perfect attitude towards things, people, situation, i don't have so? That is what make me, me. I don't look perfect all time, is the imperfection after all that makes someone special no? I don't have a topic to bring up every time i talk to someone, well at least i won't annoy. I don't have luxuries to enjoy but i have a phone to call, a phone to text and no credit card debt to settle. I don't have my own room but i have the luxury to enjoy company of a sibling. I don't have clothes that i can wear for a month without repetition but i have all that i need in a single, 2 door sided cupboard. I'll appreciate better with things i buy with money exchanged with sweat time and age. A simple house tells me, life can be simple too. They won't carry it in, so ill work my ass a little.

Count your blessings the next time you want something. What you thought you deserve, some people should have had it already. Think once, twice, trice - make decision.

Life is happier when you have little things, simpler things, because better things don't always come in complex and big package.

Just a random thought, i think im going to sleep soon.

Good Morning Earth (:

This, life.

2010-08-12T15:28:00.001+08:00

Today is such a hot hot day isn't it? ♥ it

Finished my classes early today usually ill finish around 5 but due to my history lecturer took leave we had our very own student leave too. OH gawd, i miss her monotone voice that boosts sleepiness.

Here's something i'd like to share.
As i was in a busy and noisy shuttle bus earlier, it stopped by a medical centre. A lady with a child came in, the child walked a few step front and paused, the look of the the face shows uncertainty. From what i guessed, she's not older than nine but she has chest showing the formation that happens to a physically matured female. She has this look that people around would know she's not like us, that she's mentally retarded. It really is a sad thing to see although these cases happens everywhere round planet. Back to the story, the girl and the lady stood at the side as it was crowded. Then there's these two person they stood up wanting to let the seats to the lady and child, the lady blocked them halfway from standing up and using a rather loud tone saying no. They continue standing there until i left the bus.
What i understood was the lady is probably tired of having people giving seats to her because of the child or maybe she's an ego person that don't want to look weak. Either way, if she's mother to the child, its no doubt she's not regretting anything. She's happy. Like the child.
Is things like these that made life more meaningful, and worthwhile even with all the problems, complications. She has made me a better person just by doing that. It's what i learned not what i doubt.

Continuing from the above, giving seats to needy can make two parties's day a better one. Whenever i take bus, i give seats to the old, or pregnant lady. Its something against myself if i don't, i feel horrible if i don't. Even when they decline because i was carrying mad loads of books and files i gestured them to sit no matter. And all i get was a smile and just two words, thank you. Indeed is true that is not what the present is but the value and thoughts of getting a present.

In this world of ours, life is getting tougher with challenges, competition, and complications, all in all the negative charges.If we don't stop it from taking away all the fun we could have there really is no point in living anymore.

Hoped you guys learn what i learned from this (: Good day!

Symphony Of Destruction

2010-08-09T21:52:00.000+08:00

Is probably cause you think you cooler than me.

wtf, not even 5 weeks theres already teacher asking me to increase my writing size -.-
Sorry lor i can not help it, big writings are just not me. Just like how some people prefer sleeveless and sleeve.

Anyway back to my life (:
Im really tired and i wish i have more time every day or i wish the time move slower, either way please make it happen. Seriously worried about my chemistry unit sigh :/ im afraid that i can't meet the standard in Monash and i can not masuk Monash :( thats the worst thing that could happen okay.
& the worst feeling is when you know your dad works like a donkey just so you could live a better life, and you don't wanna disappoint him, when you do - you break yours and his at the same time. Yeah thats how i feel okay, but im losing all my concentration and focus for studies now, im trying with all my effort to stay focus like yesterday for my chemistry quiz but i couldn't do it. I eat eat eat watch teevee facebook talk talk pretend to read while my mind ran away. Its really sucky okay cause i really wanna study but .. never mind.

Dislike college education system -.-

How have your week been? (:

with lots of lurveeee <3
& im going to find a boyf in pasar malam hahah tafak.

p/s : A conversation filled with vulgars and capital letters only, are conversation worth remembering. Thanks for being my punching bag hahah (:

Simply red.

2010-08-01T02:05:00.000+08:00

Hihi (:

Had my tests on Wednesday and Thursday, plain stressful and free from enjoyment. There's no less stressful nor less hectic life during college. Its all very rush, busy, stress, tests, homeworks and then finals. How fast is that? By the way, my finals is approximately in 10weeks time how wonderful. Did i mention about my chemistry mark? Oh you don't wanna know sigh. Im worrying everyday and in fact i dont sleep soundly like how i used to a month back.

Went jogging with my sister in the evening. It was so looooong ago since the last, but im still staying fit tho, even better than used to be, fanstastica ;)) We actually wanted to jog under heavy rain ,or not heavy also can but the clouds and wind just suck blew away all those gray clouds -.-

Not in great mood these days not sure why. is probably the studies.

LAAASTLY, im going to pierce my eyebrow soon. in a month time. But im not sure if ill look good with it, suggestion? Will i look good with it?

James Morrison, suka suka suka!

Pon de Floor

2010-07-25T12:24:00.000+08:00

I hate saying bye, but when i do i really do mean bye.

Hows everyone's week going on? (:

Mine was seriously AMAZING. I don't know where did all my time fly to, is just i blinked and is Saturday again omfg.

Even my lecturer said the same, she asks if the world is ending already since the day pasts so fast hahah

Okay, i think i need to talk more. Im the quiet side of people isn't it? Okay, sometimes la. If hyper i can not do anything also right. &&i remember there's once, when i was 15, i actually had to stop talking for 2 weeks because i was suffering from terrible sore throat due to too much talking in a day. Yeah, that happened before.

I HATE HER ALOT. She talk about whats not right about the others while she herself did what she told others is wrong! Brainless bitch beh tahan, don't come my house anymore please, looking at you makes me wanna puke.
$%$^#$^&*%#&$%^@#$!@#*(*&I^ fuck

Anyway, the school's carnival sucks like crap. Practically is just food, and games that i don't find interesting. Okay actually i didnt stop by any store, i walked one round with my brother then we head home. Don't find anything interesting. &there's people who sing out of tune gawd. Oh well, its the first, can't expect much.

Topic test next week :( including CHEMISTRY ;(((((( im dying soon.
&next week will only be the 3rd week laa omg, so fast ade test already sigh

i love the way you lie.

Breathless

2010-07-19T21:59:00.000+08:00

Bonjour (:

It made me smile today, from the bottom of my heart. Because i finally saw a living prove that size really doesn't matter or even looks as long as you present yourself in a way that it says you. But i became disappointed due to the fact that the male-partner kept staring as i wore something short. dumb fuck. Oh wells, nothings perfect.

Saw this person wearing a tee that says;

Im nobody.

Nobody's perfect.

Therefore im perfect.

[Personally i think its a good one]

First week of college has been good, at least i won't have a reservoir of saliva by the end of semester.
Knowing people with different backgrounds, different character, different language, different race, different hometown it was all good with a mix mux max of things (:
&so we seriously can wear anything we want in college? I've seen 2 girls showing bra, with or without intention is for them to know. Anyhow, i think its weird to show it, i mean you come to study rightt? Or maybe not.
&&ada leng cais :)))) but too bad, mou ngor fan also if you don't know me well, i don't like people base on looks, its just ridiculous.
Oh OH, have i told you guys about my daily love? Im loving Tuesday and Wednesday ALOT ♥ whereas i truly deeply madly hate Monday Thursday and Friday, have to wake up super early and finish class super late sigh.

Anyway, i think Sunway is either too free or being very considerate that they actually photo shop the student id photo -.-
Maybe i too yong sui already wtf T___________T

i miss him i really do.
i can't talk to him everyday now.
nobody to share secret with.
nobody to do bad stuffs with.
no more jokes.
just me.
and just you.
hmm.

Tears in your eyes

2010-07-17T10:59:00.001+08:00

Just yesterday i was perfectly fine.
Few hours later, it all turn their back to me.

aih, there's certain things that certain people will never understand.
What they have, are what we lack of. What we have, they never bother.

My dad asks me to apologies to that busy body bitch, no hell way.

Push me and ill be your nightmare.

Will update when im feeling better.

Not the same without you.

2010-07-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

Hello guys (:

First of all, my apology. For leaving blog unattended.

Im really really busy these days with homeworks. Not a day is left with no homeworks so yeah. Especially computer science, everyday the teacher will ask us to get more info on things,then i have to write them down from the net which also means i waste a lot of time.

&my busyness actually made me not having any conversation with my grandma. Believe it.

Anyway ill update right after Friday or on Friday (which is tomorrow) again because i need sleep now. I don't sleep, then ill get zits. If i get zits, i feel angry. If i feel angry i dont post. If i dont post, you guys will be disappointed ~~or so i hope~~.

Therefore, goodnight and sleep tight ♥

Harare

2010-07-11T01:01:00.000+08:00

Thou heart has the size of a moon. Thee has size of the Sun.

I wasted my time and money. Again -.-
Remember i told you guys that i went to see doctor? On Tuesday? Yeah.
I didn't finish the antibiotics nor the cream to apply on skin. I think im a really great money waster.

&OH by the way, i baked banana cupcakes and cookies & cream cupcakes today :D
Made icing for the latter already, sister says its nice yay! Fyi, its my first baking that flavour. Didn't bake a lot, didn't think that i would end up this little -.- Will take picture and upload it soon (:
And yes, i haven't tasted the one with icing on because usually people who bake don't / won't eat many of what they baked, its very filling even the thought of it.

I had approximately 4-5 large bowls of porridge today. I loveee drinking / eating porridge. I don't like to eat rice.

p/s : if i can have a wish right now, i want to eat western food for the rest of my life.

Oyasuminasai (:

All the dancers may be on the floor

2010-07-09T22:10:00.001+08:00

Hello again (:
oooohh yes, i love the way how my amount of readers decreases. Yeah i love it, because it means ill have more topic to talk about when im face to face with 'em.

OKAY, you guys are soooo NOT gonna believe this! I dropped my Globalization and Advance maths, took up COMPUTER SCIENCE instead! This is so shocking rightt?! Yeah initially i was like, oh no way jose but since i want to take the scientific psychology, i have lots of research and statistic to do (The director of this foundation told me so), i need to have a certain level of knowledge of the Microsoft stuffs like that. The director also told me that there's no degree course that i want in Monash, but its available in Sunway, i thought okay dad might agree on this. &so i took it (:

THENNN, when i told my brother about it.. (Twist of story comes in) "Then you take other course la if the one you want don't have in Monash. Pick other course in Monash, the final decision is you'll be studying in Monash no matter what." quoted.
Im doomed.
SO when i finally get to do Psychology that i really wanted to, i have to give up now and take Food Science as what my dad initially suggested -.-

Sigh. So sickening.
Anyway, my schedule sucks. On Monday especially because i have 1 hour and 15 mins break after every class. So practically, ill be wasting 3-5 hours of life every Monday. And now times 15. Which should be equal to 45-75hours, thats the amount of time ill wasting for this semester. I could have used the time so much better by sleeping, doing the laundry and ironing clothes. crap.

While in the bus, saw a lady breast feeding a baby. It was no doubt very motherly and lovely. But its also pretty distracting. Im a very curious person, and i look / ask a lot of times in order to know what i don't. And the last time i saw people breast feeding was like 8years ago, thats my aunt feeding my cousin. Back to the story, It was clearly as if everyone didn't know what she's doing when everybody know. There was me, looking, turning my head back, look again, turn back again, tried to look as if im looking at other place when im glancing at her, turn my head back, combing my hair with fingers with a quick glance at her and then turn back again. omg im so lifeless right -.- and no, im not interested in her or her nipples, im just curious. Not that i can see also right, she covered but using some batik cloth (:

&OH GOD, i hate bus.
First of all, i hate it especially when there's too many people. Especially when im surrounded by guys. And most importantly the weird looking / foreigners / bangladesh / indians from india / indonesians GUY. Yeah i hate it a lot. I can't stand it when people touches me especially strangers, so i have the tendency to curl inwards to myself, even when there's bumper / turns that person wouldn't be able to touch me. Then again, there's this kind of bastards that kept on moving close to you as if you didnt notice and kept on trying to touch you by exaggerating the impact of bumpers / turns. If there's one thing i can change about bus, i would have bus set up bus with only females like the LRT.
Secondly, its the passengers. They practically think you're not even there and push you so they could pass through or when their handbags (especially ladies) brushed on people or maybe hit people who are sitting. Its totally fine since the bus is so packed like tuna. But when the bus isn't, please fking hold your stuffs properly, touched / hit / brushed with your loads and no sorry is totally not forgiven when nobody is standing on feet. Seriously, no brains?

You think i complain a lot? Oooh, i can complain more but lets just keep the story short (:

p/s : i have serious problem when people touch me without saying sorry. I hate it when people touch me for no reason. Thats for strangers though. (:

Thats all for now, good night (:

I'd leave them to dry.

2010-07-08T15:47:00.000+08:00

Good evening (:

First day of orientation today, wouldn't say i enjoyed every part of it, but most of it (: Definitely not the part where i don't see any familiar faces and the part i have to stone alone ;[
Got to know few people (im not very good in socializing i guess -.-) , definitely adore this new friend who talks a lot and yet we're very similar in views and self entertaining jokes. And there's this Indonesian chinese, i must agree they have some weird slang. ~~is this how you spell it?~~

Nevertheless, i was tired. Like reallly REALLY tired. Lack of sleep, and i think i look like ghost today cause i look so pale. Not enough time to prepare aiks.

&YES, that was drafted for few days ago.

Its the last day of orientation, and class starts tomorrow.
Anyway, i took Maths, Advance Maths, English, Globalization, Chemistry and BM(i don't have credit for this). Will be dropping either chemistry or advance maths in 2 weeks time. Maths is like additional mathematics of form 4/5, while advance maths is 10times harder, leaving me no choice but to take chemistry in case i can't cope with it. Im taking psychology by the way, i mean after this foundation program. Yeah, don't give me that O_O stare, i've been dealing with lots of people giving me that.

Oh, i kept on bumping into friends at pyramid / the bus stop, is like everyday i bump into people -.-

I seriously, have no financial control over my account. I always spend when i have money, when i don't have any / close to not have any, ill starve myself / no yum cha / no outside food / no shopping etc etc. Im so pathetic. By that means, i splurged today :@

Also peoples, please please go watch The Back Up Plan, 2 thumbs up! :D Hilarious & emotionally touched!

There's this freak that talked to me in the bus today, is like he just turned around start asking dari mana moi? wtf AND of course laa, i ignored him completely, i despise people like that. The only reason why he talk to me is probably because i wore mini skirt or maybe its because i just reshape my eyebrows -.-

Random things are happening now, thats why you don't see long paragraph instead its all short and many.

Updating soon xoxo (:

Wonder fool cause i am

2010-07-03T03:14:00.001+08:00

Hey peoples (:
First of all, huge thank you to those visit my blog daily even when there's no update
Guess you miss me lots huh? ;)
Secondly, i dont want to private my blog right now, will do it later. Later as in i-also-dont-know-when . aites.

Went to see doctor on Tuesday as planned. The doctor said its probably some infection, so she prescribed some antibiotics and some rub on stuff. "If it still doesn't heal, we'll have to *gestures*" "Like cut?!" "Yes."
By the way, the antibiotic sucks. Real hard. I can not eat anything after eating it, because it feels like its stuck in my throat no matter how i try to make it go down. I vomited today because i ate after taking medicine. Not even soup okay, it sucks. Even my urine smells like medicine since i have to eat 8 tablets per day omfg so sickening.

Did i told you that i lost my IC? GODAMMIT. Was working on Thursday, went to some grocery store in the mall to buy junk food and water, after paying went Popular to buy magazine, because Popular is just few shops away from my shop. After that, a sudden realization that i didn't see any blue card on my wallet. You see, whenever i open my wallet or should i say purse, IC card is right at the middle. And so i thought i lost it while paying in the grocery store cause i was fumbling to take out cash while paying. Put down all the item in shop, rushed back to the store asking every worker (that talked/associated with me) there if they saw my IC, all the replies i got were no. When to the concierge, told the lady i lost my IC card. She replied me with this " I thought you lost your teddy"
Oh, i was wearing this tee shirt that says " I lost my teddy, can i hug you instead?"
So i gave her this small and no funny ingredient laughs of mine. Filled in the LOST form, went back to the shop hoping that they found it. Mine you, i forgot to bring both my phones to work that day, so you can imagine how exhausted and annoyed by this situation.
Anyway, i found back my IC already. Guess where? Im giving you 3 seconds to think.

1 second

2 seconds

3 seconds.

I found it back in the clinic in went.
Bet your ass just fell off -.-
On the way to police station only i remember i passed my IC to the nurse and she didnt give me back. And yes, after 2 days only i realize. Call me an old grandma, i truly deeply madly deserve it.

This post is really long by the way and im going to sleep now. I have to adjust back the normal time of sleeping for college / work. Nights love.

p/s try listening to If you don't wanna love me by James Morrison and Clair de Lune by Debussy. Great great songs<3

isn't it familiar?

2010-07-02T15:04:00.000+08:00

I have SOO much to update but i don't have the feeling of doing it right now
why? Because i can't seem to find the song title i like, such a bugger.
It goes like this " ... its okay if you dont tell/say forever...." and i forgot -.-
Its an old song by the way, if it rings any bell please tell me thanks, greatly appreciate it (:

Will update soon ♥

Need / Want

2010-06-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

My boss banned me from playing love / chinese / malay / emo songs. Only techno, dance hits and clubbing remix are allowed omg -.-

Anyway, i need :

new spectacles
heels (wedges, pumps, peep toe)
jeans material bottoms
long pants
skirts
cash
fruits
new phone
sleep
time

On the other hand, i want :

dress
nu bra
contact lens
heels
cash
touch screen phone
short jeans / long jeans
skirts
tops
camera (touch screen, water proof, shock proof, all weather)
sleep
facial treatment or whatever you call it
proper earphone
proper music player
my own room

Sigh, i think i have to work like 5-7 times harder than now to get what i want. Shit.

Off from work for 2days, sleeping back all the sleeps i missed.

Tonight, is a good good night. Goodnight.

SLURPSS!

2010-06-27T00:52:00.000+08:00

Something to share (:

My dad said Indians from actual India taught him these.

(Click for larger view)

Will privatekan my blog July onwards if i don't change my mind anymore (:

One ♥

2010-06-26T00:56:00.000+08:00

Wtf are you guys like crazy or seriously stalker?
Why so many views from the same person omfg.

Im thinking of private-ing my blog soon.
TOO much information.

Let me think aboout it.
Since priavte and public blog for me doesn't have much difference cause you all read and dont interact with me :( BOO YOU ALL :(

Met Cindy, she made me laugh /smile alot hahah omg.

till then (:

Time for miracles

2010-06-24T21:31:00.002+08:00

你好 (:

Didn't make it to see doctor because i can't find clinics that has female doctor working at that particular time. Will go on Tuesday instead.

Talked to my daddy earlier he made me extraaa extraaaa speechless -.-
he never failed to do so anyway, beh tahan.
Are you down right now? If you are, please oh please click the image (for larger view) and smile (:

Convos between us.

what kind of daddy is this -.-

we're talking about me at first cause i told him i need shower badly.

ended up we talk about his girlf oopsy :P

Bear in mind that before he said this, our convo were like this,

you go eat black-o-steak la

no bad what he cook the meat on fire and dance around it wou wou wou

ya lahh that one your best friend ma

you go wear banana leaf and dance with them

then the banana leaf drop and show the hot dog

is he a dad of four? omgness.

will update again (:

p/s i love you.

once. twice. and there won't be third. I won't anymore.

edited.
Actually is kind of weird talking to my dad in such a way like he's my best friend right? hahaa i know. My dad's a coolio, don't be jealous (: .
Okay laa, i know loads of dad nowadays are the cool type.
Won't you let me feel that my dad is special? (:

the reason why i typed all of the above after edited is due to i forgot what i wanted to say -.-
will edit again when i remember wtf

如果難過請你忘了我

2010-06-22T00:46:00.002+08:00

Should i say thank you for supporting my posts or thank you for stalking me?

Life hasn't been good. Since when my life is good? -.-

Im already exhausted. Its already taking its toll on my well being and body. My zit free face is growing zits already and, deep black eye bags of course. sigh

Saw a guy with mohawk styled hair, nice (: the guy was friendly too ;)

Yesterday (21/6) bo good. Issues in the family, basically is just me and my fking bitch whore aunt (:

fought with her, got tired of argueing with her because its gonna be endless i know her too damn well, went out for a god damn long walk with my dog. Sat in the park, just stroking my dog, think she knows whats happening.

Anyway fuck my aunt. May she be despo for dick till she dies.

Will update more on the next posting.

After my appointment with doctor.

This is how i disappear

2010-06-18T23:41:00.004+08:00

Bonjour :)

I really want to learn French but no extra time :(

2 full days i worked. Exhausting and tiring, though i don't have to stand all the time is just tiring with customer that buy 1 piece of tee but have me worked like he's buying the whole shop.

Great news is that i usually observe people alot, thus ill have more things to talk about other than just me.

I saw this couple, really really sweet, holding hands. Nothing much? Well, they're couple aged more than 60. Sweet or not? And the popo still has the im-the-happiest-woman-alive look. that just made me feel awwww (;

I also saw this bunch girls, around my age, wearing jeans and tee normal lah right. but then right, there's one exception. One of the girl, she dressed up like their mum, their means that bunch of girls. Yeahhh i know right wtf. She was carrying this green bag (not bad), THEENNNN she wore this horrible dress that made her look extra fleshy when she already is. When you buy clothes, don't just ask yourself if it looks alright, ask your friends thats what friends for. Sigh, where's all the sense of dressing omfg.

Because the shop i work in near elevator, i can always see people going up and down, go left and right. There was a lady with her daughter passed by my shop, they were holding hands so adorable right. i know (: the sad thing is that her daughter lost an arm. I didn't notice until one of her sleeve was flying around. hmmm

I too witnessed baby paying with pacifier. so cuteeeeeeee :D

Whole day bored to death in shop. no movies. no favourite songs. no novels. no people. no nothing. Not to mention headache like crap. Slept at 3+ yesterday because of my cousin. Dragged me to Station drink Tiger Crystal wtf. But not nice one, dont really like the taste. Prefer the normal one. Didn't drink much because he kept losing in Chor Dai Di, so he have to drink HAHA dai sei.

OHH OHHH, today there's like 3 customers asking me if i own the shop HAHAHAHAH i was like errr no i work here *put on a fake smile* it was actually quite nice to hear that because i probably have the lady boss look :DDD and i probably look older tying up my hair in a messy bun.

and what the hell, why is everyone so damn fking rich? 50% of the people that walked into my shop uses touch screen? and is all mainly IPhone. ftw. All sou pei please, i take out my colour phone with tiny lil screen only you all know. So rare punnya phone, antique, can sell more than Iphone.

trying to cheer myself up wtf.

Somehow i wish my brothers are more understanding in someways they never were.

Did i tell you guys that my brother gave me a new rule? He says i can not go clubbing without him anymore TT

My dad says : GOOD RULE

-.-

end.

Your story has truly touched my heart. Never before have i met anybody with as many problems as you. You have my deepest sympathy. Now fuck off and stop bothering me.

haha i like (:

por favor

2010-06-16T15:53:00.003+08:00

Hello sorry for being MIA, i know you guys missed me ;)

Was talking to my grandma earlier.

She told me not to lose weight anymore because my skin becomes wrinkly and the weird part is she asks me to eat oil -.- Seriously, im not joking. I was like hahah i didn't lose weightt laa, i gain weight already! Then she replied me, you don't know you lose weight only.

So actually i was like kinda happy that my grandma said i lose weight, but then again since she's old she always see things wrongly like my cousin, she gained weight like obviously my grandma said she lose weight. After that before i shower, i weigh myself. Step on the weighing machine and wait for the needle to stop at a point. Not surprisingly, i didn't lose any weight -.-

We also had our grandma-granddaughter talk.

Talked about her sister, which is currently staying in Melbourne / Sydney alone. Yes alone. Her husband died few years ago because of cancer i think. And her children are darn useless. Grandma told me that she(her sister) has some problem with the eyes and ears. She's alright now according to my aunt. Anyway, i don't really pity her. Not that im emotionless but the way she treated my grandma, my aunts, my dad, and everybody else is far worst than what she's experiencing today. Karma.

Well, im very sure that every family has their own story that couldn't be told nor explained. Sometimes we just gotta face it, if thats what it takes us to the route of happiness.

I really like this quote :

"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go." - Len Santos

and no, im not being emotional thank you.

Live the life of rich and famous.

2010-06-15T00:22:00.006+08:00

Greetings(:

Worked full day today, my leg tired dou wtf

And i still dont know if i need to work tomorrow (15/6) or not since boss havent confirm wtf, no pleaseeee.

Got to know quite a few more people working in different location. Like Hannah, Shera, the kakakS beside me and the guys who call me amoi -.-

Sometimes life is fun like that, i don't know you, you don't know me, but we somehow met each other. Though we do not know each other's background, we enjoyed each other's company. Life is so much easier with people like these, they don't know your past, and neither do you know their past, and the one they now know is probably a brand new one or the one that has changed so many times even family didn't know, they would not realize.

Sometimes, i'd had loved to throw my hands in the air and say i give up im done with it. But i couldn't, i have to think about all of the people around me, all their feelings they let me took care of. Hard isn't it? Like whatever you do, you have to think about the others rather than yourself even if you're not happy with the decision or situation.

Do you readers actually find it weird that aaaaaalllllllllllllllmost all of my postings are emo? Just when i seem to be happy? Weird huh. No im not trying to say i hid my feelings, i didnt show thats all. I wouldn't call myself as one who act happy in front of people, because i don't. Of course, at appropriate times, i have to act happy. Like when my dad thought i liked something when actually i hate it, but its too late cause he already pay for it. Get?

Never mind.

Mama was right, a doctor can cure millions but he can never cure himself.

Some more im a psychiatrist wanna-be wtf -.-

My body is already showing results from lack of sleep already. Zits, big black eye bags, forgetful and most of all exhausted.

I vow to be happy tomorrow.

Goodnight (:

edited.

Just remembered something.

Told you im forgetful.

I think my grandma's soul or anything like that visited me yesterday. You know those chinese sayings that moth is like soul of a dead, more or less like that right? It was her 7th day from leaving us. Im not sure but im 40% sure is her, because it just stayed in my room. Though the fan is really making it difficult to stay firm on ground, it was reluctant to leave because i left window and curtains open wide. If it really was her, i must apologize. For i was unhappy its in my room, i don't like any creatures in my room, the thought of it, able to fly around just freak me out. Especially when it lands on my body, you'll hear screams. Anyway, i know she can't read this but i just wanna say it here, sorry im just too scared.

Again again - Lady Gaga

2010-06-14T01:20:00.001+08:00

Hungover

2010-06-14T01:05:00.002+08:00

by Kesha (Y)

She left me, and went back to her castle. But im still here, waiting for the old her to come back.

Hmm life hasn't been happening. Like always -.-

Started working already, still trying my best to remember codes, price, sizes, etc etc. If you think selling tee shirts are easy, think twice.

Not so much of mood these days again. sigh why oh whyyyy, i wish im happy like 24/7/12/981279817263.

Will update a proper post soon, till then (:

p/s : notice on your top left corner, High Way To Hell, will be updated everyday(im trying my best) with quotes i find meaningful / quotes i create .

PLaying : Brown Eyes, Again Again, Wonderful, Let Love Down, Summer Boys, Boys Boys Boys - Lady Gaga

Please please understand.

2010-06-12T14:59:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAA (:

Heart

2010-06-11T23:51:00.005+08:00

Clings of glasses, mark the end of endless run.

I dont see why being depress is the reason why people suicide.

It too can be this way, people happy > people jealous > people beh song > people pour acid > people attempt suicide > people die.

It all meets at the same point in the end. Point of view is different thats all.

My once very close cousin came from Johor to spend holiday with me. At FIRST i was really excited and jubilant. But the longer i communicate with her, the deeper the understanding of her present, the clearer it is of her attitude and character, just upsets me. What hurts me most, was she lied to me. She knew about the past relationship, so why would she lie to me? again.

We were really close. Even closer than sisters. We had the twins bond. and we looked alike too. as much as i disagree, many said so. We shared every little secrets, all the dirty secrets, all the hopes and dreams of future, wishes for things that wouldn't happen, we share it all.

She moved here before, studied the same high school as me before. We had happy times, but most of all are just the opposite. She was still the same at the beginning. But things change, like they always did. Maybe she wasn't ready for the stress and fast-moving life over here, maybe she couldn't take all the scoldings, maybe she was the same as before i didnt realize, i do not know.

Things just change so fast. In just a year time, the girl i knew and loved for 15years, became a stranger. A stranger im familiar with. And not so familiar with at the same time.

Things had been tough for me. for her. for the family. I was stuck in the middle. I had to spill secrets she told me to the adults, just so they could keep track of her. Then again, i betrayed my best friend, my best cousin, my best partner. If i dont, ill be the blame for all the troubles she made. Ironic.

Sometimes i wish these adults could be more understanding. They too had been through the same situation, same age and most of all, the same thinking as us. They could have been more alert of things like these would happen, they could have avoided it by giving advise, give more time to understand us, give just a little piece of their mind to us. And so, the end would be a powerpuff girls ending.

Ill be working again soon (: Too broke. No money to spend. No where to go to. Need extra cash. Need phone.

Have you ever had the feeling, everything you do revolves around money, money, and just money? Just when you're in your poorest state of the time.

So sick of everything, especially you right now. Wonder why.

A lie, white lie black lie pink lie purple lie whatever lie, it still hurts.

2010-06-10T21:18:00.003+08:00

I think im seriously 23/7 depress rather than 24/7 depress.

On Tuesday

Went back Johor at six thirty in the morning. Reached granny house around nine. Had lots of introducing session with all the aunt and uncles. And cousins. Oh yeah, i have never met any cousins from my mum side. Complicated enough to write over 5 essays. No, not the secondary one. Its the one in college. After that are just prayers, hot sun, water, pray, and watch the coffin being put in ground. Went back home around two thirty. Not so much of elaborating today.

When you know things had changed, don't try to think it hadn't because at the end of the day, all you get is hurt.

aih, will update very soon.

Paper bag

2010-06-06T22:27:00.003+08:00

I need to cover my face with paper bag already. seriously, no joke.

sighh ^$%@#&%^*%^&R%#

i can NOTT believe i did that!! OMFG

Embarrassed myself in front of strangers / friends / family FML

Not to mention that i lost my fucking phone. and my 100+ cash FML TO THE MAX

trying to forget bout it though.

But with me, everything is just fucking tougher.

kthxbye.

dont have to ask what happen, nothing happened.

yeah, right.

and guess what, my grandma passed away this afternoon.

Good things in my way? shit

I can smile for everyone

2010-06-04T00:25:00.003+08:00

but only you, i would cry for.

Bububububuuuuuuuu

I think i change a lot. Didn't i? Yeah bet i did. Neway, change = grow (:

Oh yes, im growing. Too bad, is not on my height. Its alright, too tall is directly proportional to difficult to find boyfriend.

Not sure when, I became somehow, used to this situation. Maybe this was suppose to be this way long time ago. Learned that to love, does not necessary means i have to own that person. Yes i know that long time ago, but to know and to feel it, is 2 different side of the world. Its definitely much easier to say. Read a post long time ago on Facebook, it says "If he/she is ready to let you go before he/she has you, then he/she really do loves you." I don't agree on this actually, because all the playboys and playgirls would be ready to let em go even before they met each other, so does that mean they love their partner? No, of course no. So i guess, it depends. On the situation, and persons who's involved.

Sigh, this is it. All the hopes, all the dream. Shall be perished, and never mentioned.

Some songs, they just stuck in your head doesn't it?

A day in life - Beatles

Hello goodbye love - To Be Juliet's Secret

Heart heart heartbeak - Fall Out Boys

Amazed - Lonestar

and my all time fav, November rain - Gun and Roses & Wish you were here - Pink Floyd

Listen to em, and enjoy (:

p/s : the song that got me fell asleep is November Rain, cause its just so soothing. Plus its just meaningful.

With all the problems ahead, all i want to do is give up, and find a job, get married, and die.

High school is still the best, no matter.

College may be exciting, but you can no longer hope/wish for people to help you. Its individual.

Thats all for now i guess, will update again.

When i have all the inspiration back to me.

I can't promise ill heal you

2010-06-02T00:35:00.004+08:00

Hihi ^^

Typical chinese version of intro

There's seriously something wrong with me.

After eating 3hours ago im hungry again.
I don't feel good the whole day.
Feels like i have something i must do but i didn't
My heart is weird.
I fell asleep in front of the laptop 3nights in a row.

hmmm i still don't know why even eating like continuously im still staying at the same weight although i didn't exercise. Thats a good news anyway, never mind that.

ARGHHHH

i just felt like saying that.

Been listening to loads of emo songs -.-

Just like the beginning of last year again wtf. But its all good though.

There's one, She Fucking Hates Me - Puddle of Mudd, awesomee (:

I don't know where is the old me anymore. I finding my way back now. The trees had grown, wild bushes everywhere, don't know which way im going. Ill just keep on walking. Cauz i know, eventually, there will be a stop sign.

Sigh, i really think i have problem trusting people. Is just whatever they say, no matter girl or boy, if my brain says don't think so / he's cheating you / she's cheating you / liar! / whatever crap, i just kept on doubting. Till i found reliable source. Something that can prove me wrong. &yes, since last year i don't really trust anyone anymore. I may look or say that i trust you, but in my heart, i don't. Not everybody i don't trust la of course, i still trust some certain people. Hmmmm, i think i have a screwed up day / month / year / life. Sometimes i just got so fed up everything, i gave up trying and ignore all the little voices in my head. Oh yes i feel good thaaat time, after that, i regret. Actually, i regret a lot of things from the past. Things i know i could have done better, things i know i could have been more understanding and have some common sense in me, i just didn't see it that time. Yeah i bet many would experience this too, just a matter of time.

By the way, if you're such a slow poke that you still hadn't notice, im telling you now, i suck in all languages. Im good in counting and logic kind of stuff. Language, i always use simple words. I tend to stick with them although i know plenty of words rarely used.

will be working tomorrow, and i didn't even know till yesterday. sigh. so out of mood to work. Nevertheless, i shall be prepared.

p/s : i sleep at 4 in the morning almost everyday and i have to wake up by 6:30. die or not you tell me?

p/p/s : cooked chili, garlic, and pork as a dish, not bad (:

p/p/p/s : i hate touching raw meat. so disgusting.

How did you

2010-05-31T17:43:00.003+08:00

read me?

Sigh, i think there's something wrong with me.

Whenever i inhale deeply, i feel pain on the left side of my chest, near to my shoulder.

Why?

Been experiencing this for whole day already omg D;

Hmmm anyway i snapped back at my dad yesterday. Suddenly i just couldn't bear with all the long crap talk and adults.

They're seriously splitting me into half i promise. So soon ill have another twin.

By the way, does anybody knows which college offers STPM? Like private la of course. Other than TARC which i still find it too far from home. I wanna sleep every night in my house, not in some hostel or what so ever.

Anyone who linked me and wish to be linked on my site please let me know alright cause i deleted all links. (:

If you could see me now

2010-05-31T01:20:00.004+08:00

Silent street.

Hellos (:

I know i abandoned my blog for quite some days already, so thats why here i am.

Doing the most usual thing of all, updating.

Not so much of mood these days hmmm. Kinda down and desperate to get out of the house. Too bad my money are all stuck D:

Anyway as i said, i was down. But, i experimented one of the things we always read on magazine especially health magazines. "Jogging can distressed a person as well as lighten up the mood"

So yes, here i am telling you guys once again, it really work. (:

Firstly, walk. Then slowly brisk walking. Just when you feel like your thighs are getting all sore and arms are tired, don't stop! In fact, break into sprint if you're already running or run if you were jogging. Stop when you're out of breath.

I had been doing this for a long time, and i guess apart from chocolate (which im avoiding) its the best solution. But well of course it doesn't guarantee you anything. I'd make a conclusion like this,

Temporary solution : hit the club, have some alcohol in your blood.

Long-period-of-time solution : go for jog / talk to your siblings / listen to hardcore music (JimmyEatWorld or anything at all) / post-a-post on blog (:

p/s : you can always private-kan your blog.

By the way, i had been diagnosed of having mild bipolar disorder wtfffff

If you actually google about it, its kinda scary wtf because i dont think im that serious -.-

Oh, its the depressive episode. No hell way im in manic episode.

Im so very not constant these days hmm. Lack of updating as a result.

You and me and all of the people with nothing to do

2010-05-27T16:01:00.005+08:00

Harlowww ngor hai Luby ahh

hahahah did you guys watch that video? wtf damn dumb haha

By the way, ngor hai Cherish mm hai Luby.

Went out with the loves yesterday had fun to be with them and to vomit while watching movie -.-

Waited U63 for almost an hour wtf, U63 so pah pai.

And then i said something before the movie which i seriously regret now :(

Dear & Mama forgive me will ya? ;( Will update you both soonn.

Anyway, why is there people who view my blog more than 4 times in just a day? -.-

I know what i wrote are all very interesting that you can't wait for the next posting but right, i don't update every hour one leh :O

I tell you guys why, i have 71 views from 21May till 26May. Views are like the amount people click into my blog and actually scroll up and down before closing the tab. And then the funny thing is that i only have 37 uniques. Uniques are like the viewers with different I.P. address. So only 37 different I.P. address viewed my blog -.- i would rather have higher uniques than views -.-

"Friendship is waste of time. For it is something that's almost always coupled with insincerity." - Marcel Proust

Will start deleting Facebook friends that
- don't like me

- i don't like

- irritating / annoying people

- who wouldn't give a damn even if i delete em

- who i've never talked to

Hmm i think my friend list will go down to the scale of say, 250? (:

By the way, its an article in CLEO June 2010 issue, page 96. Good to read.

Not feeling good all this while, second time in May wtf.

OH and then, if you dislike my post or you have something to say you're welcome to comment. I won't mind seriously. Because my comment part very empty lor, fill it in peoples. Of which i hope all of the comments are "omg gooood post, im so clicking the Nuffnang ads" or "good job Cherish" "whatever-crap-you-can-think-of" :D

One good news is that i lose 3kgs of fat already :) because i have no appetite to eat and i do hardcore exercise in room. But im still fat wtf, trying to lose 3kgs more (:

Finally, i love my sister. She knows me best <3

But i don't tell her i love her, she knows i love her (:

A hundred things.

2010-05-26T14:50:00.005+08:00

1. I hate people who stares at me like some kind of freak

2. I don't like to eat rambutan

3. I like bald headed guys

4. I like tall guys. They make me feel secure or maybe is to compensate my height .______.

5. I have more guy close friends over girl close friends

6. I don't like to bitch about people everyday, is just "Get a life" you know?

7. I love my bed. Its king size ftw :D

8.I have a lot of bracelet

9. I don't really like to wear necklace.

10. Dislike typical chinese guys

11. I can never date guys who speak broken english.

12. I can stand back stabbers.

13. I hate liars.

14. I love my grandma more than anything.

15. I love the two fat bitch in my house.

16. I enjoy classical, blue, hip hop and hardcore rock songs (:

17. Im cute *winks

18. Im vain HAHA

19. I like to gossip but i dont take it for real. Is just to waste my time.

20. My toe nails chip whenever it grows just a lil. Sigh, i can never have long toe nails.

21. My finger nails are pretty :)

22. I havee over 30 bottles of nail polish.

23. Over 10 pairs of socks

24. Over 10 pairs of shoes

25. Over 10 pairs of earrings

26. I always wear that one ring on my middle finger.

27. I keep all my presents / gifts / anything at all from others, in a drawer.

28. I like to take pictures. Of anything at all.

29. I DESPERATELY want a CAMERA. Begged my dad for over a year already omg -.-

30. I don't understand how can people play dota for over 6 hours. Even 3 is the max for me.

31. Guys who play dota are seriously lifeless.

32. Guys who can multi task are seriously (Y)

33. I like those pop-up vains on guys, damn man lor.

34. I don't understand why some people can't just admit they're jealous.

35. OH, i get jealous easily.

36. I hate it when im doing some important things, people come and irritate me, thinking its some kind of joke.

37. X'tra sensitive people are seriously dammmmmmn hard to deal with. You can't even be yourself with them, and you'll be so worried to say something wrong. But eventually you'll say something wrong.

38. I don't believe miracle.

39. I believe in ghost.

40. Nightmares about ghost are the scariest.

41. My lips crack easily.

42. Dislike vaseline.

43. I feel most secure in my room.

44. I don't like to wet my hands / legs. I wipe them off immediate if it so happens.

45. Seriously dislike China shows / drama, sucks like crap.

46. And they always copy those Mat Salleh show / whatever.

47. I like chick flicks.

48. Some thing common between Korean drama and Taiwan is that they always have this rich person, and love scandal.

49. I don't like to watch Korean or Taiwan drama.

50. Grandma's cooking is tehhh best!

51. Seriously dislike - hate, my sister's mum.

52. Yess yes, i have a half sister.

53. I love my sister.

54. Guys who can cook = ♥

55. I can eat vege for entire life.

56. I can not survive with just meat.

57. I drink.

58. I smoked.

59. I lied.

60. I cheated.

61. I backstabbed.

62. I bake.

63. I cook.

64. I wash (HAHA i sound like a maid)

65. I clean

66. I can not stand untidy room/ place. Gives me a feeling of tidying it up.

67. Viewers that view my blog for more than 3times in a day is just damn weird.

68. I hate people who reply me with LOL / LOLX/ LOLZ / LOLS /LOLZXS/ any other weird combinations.

69. My cousin is dirty -.-

70. My sister prefer the feeling of not letting the guy knows she likes him over the guy knows she likes him. Said she likes the thrill.

71. I failed my undang. And then i passed.

72. I've only had one birthday party till now. epic.

73. I don't like people making promises to me. They never keep it.

74. I prefer -.- over == . == is just damn annoying and irritating.

75. I like maths.

76. I love additional maths.

77. My dad is my main source of income.

78. 95% of my clothes, i bought them with my hard-earned money.

79. I buy shoes with my own money. Not the one from dad.

80. I spend a lot if i go out with my sister, i have to pay everything.

81. I feel homesick if i go my aunts house. Cause her house is so, empty. I don't know what can i do.

82. I don't like the feeling of don't have to do anything. I want to do something.

83. I visit doctor every year.

84. I prefer wearing shorts over long jeans and spag over tee shirts. The weather is god-damn hot.

85. Cold weather ishh the best.

86. My body cant stand cold weather. wtf

87. I peel lip skin.

88. I like to plug beard, from guy la of course.

89. I dont know how did i mange to type so much.

90. I love bandung.

91. Im sick of eating malaysian food.

92. I like western food.

93. I'd like to make an angel figure on snow.

94. I want to feel snow.

95. I don't like love games. It makes my heart pound unnecessarily.

96. Racist people are plain dumb.

97. People who complain alot about the others is because they dont feel good on themselves.

98. I don't like my house.

99. I love people who love me.

100. STOP ASKING ME TO BE YOUR GOD SISTER OR WHATSOEVER. I hate it, its damn childish.

Will update a proper post soon.

p/s : after reading all of this the title will be changed automatically to 100 things you know(bout me)

p/p/s : im just kidding. HAHA

PLaying : 30seconds To Mars

♥

Cromok

2010-05-23T02:52:00.002+08:00

Sigh.

Hi.

Im the biggest idiot in the world. just slap me.

---------------

Talking to you, heals me but it hurts me more than it heals.

You're here but i can never be the one in your heart.

It hurts, because its been happening recently.

Just knowing how another is more important, scars me.

Life is a hypocrite, a liar and a party pooper.

It combines people who have different definition of relationship.

Some would love their partner, while some still wandering around.

Many said, when the time comes you'll find yours.

But i don't believe so, if you wait for the time to come you're probably already in your eighties.

To have the right time, is to pick one yourself. Other wise, just another crap.

Well clearly i haven't. Still stressing over the time.

Consideration of what he might say back, make me doubt more than zillions.

Having confidence with myself but not him, its a real torture.

I wouldn't want to rewind the time like many would have wanted.

If i do, i might not have met the real you.

I know, i seriously need to chill. Clear my mind. Stop thinking about him. Just stop it.

Oh, i was talking to my brain.

Can't seem to control it.

Its been thinking somebody, that i really shouldn't.

So i guess, fml.

Lost my virginity..

2010-05-22T00:33:00.004+08:00

as of my first clubbing experience. GOTCHA DIDN'T I? ;)

Happened yesterday WHOOPS!

Ya laaa i know many of you is like "been there done that", oh well everybody have their first time.

Went there around 1 or so, yeah its quite late because they close at 3 wtf. Anyway, ordered 2 jugs of beer with cousins, brother, and brother's friends and yes im the only girl again -.-

Brother had to fetch his friend's back leaving me and cousin, we finished a jug. Hahahah and i was like shouting-singing the song "I want nobody nobody but you!" HAHAH my cousin was seriously very good / nice / sporting that time, he laughed with me and then kept on refilling my cup with beer . Damnn, i was bloated with liquid when i left. OH by the way, i was laughing all along and i couldn't walk straight. HAHA my cousin kept on saying " Ehh ehh come here come here" and im like " i know i know, i know what im doing one" HAHAHAHA GEEZ i was laughing at myself when i woke up this morning. &whatever i did there will be kept secret between me and my cousin :)

p/s : While heading back home, my brother wind down the window, so i was practically singing to the air. The other guy in the car beside us, kept on looking at me. HAHA he probably knows what i've been doing.

The drift in the head, magical.

In my twilight, i was happy. There was no broken heart, seems like its repaired with no scars, no blood no nothing.

Perfecto.

Considering how depress i am, ill be out again. To make my heart perfect with no scars.

"It doesn't taste good but it makes you feel good. When you're depressed, that burn in throat, is awesome."

Hello, morning.

你为什么说谎

2010-05-21T12:43:00.001+08:00

这次我走开 再没有话要说出来
我不想再期待走下去 还能多精彩
我不了解你怎能心安
也抓不住你的倔强
可是我知道你 你为什么说谎

你说你还在 一分一秒也没走开
我想留在这里 可是这一切已太晚
我不能再像从前一样
为我们的明天疯狂
你不必解释 你为什么说谎

你不能说我没有爱过 说我没等过难过
我也想说 也许能重来我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失爱
而我的泪 怎么就流下来


你说你还在 一分一秒也没走开
我想留在这里 可是这一切已太晚
我不能再像从前一样
为我们的明天疯狂
你不必解释 你为什么说谎

你不能说我没有爱过 说我没等过难过
我也想说 也许能重来我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失爱
而我的泪 怎么就流下来

你不能说我没有爱过 说我没等过难过
我也想说 也许能重来我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失爱
而我的泪 怎么就流下来

你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失爱
而我的泪 怎么就流下来

Yesterday Once More

2010-05-21T00:31:00.003+08:00

When the heart shatters

Nothing fix it

Its beyond repair.

fml.

I wish i can kill myself right now, but Farouq told me we can never commit suicide by using no-oxygen method sigh

My house is not high enough to kill, the max would only be scratches.

I wish there would be no lie. And i wish i didn't meet her. At least, i would have felt better.

There's always a pay back for whatever God has given. Just when i thought im feeling so much better than i was, He took away everything and gave me ten times back of what i was reluctant from receiving. Karma? I used to believe. But now, i don't really. Its like after all that i've done, im still here, still the same place i was before. She told me, something i would never forget, and yet im still going against it. Not sure why im still heading the opposite direction. Its like there's a fire, a bomb, im going towards it. Don't know why im doing so, my heart is always against my brain. Though im perfectly clear that there's nothing i can do, or to have anything i wanted so much right now, im still heading towards it. I know, that little beating organ of mine is shattered, there's nothing i can do. Im just so addicted. Like drugs. Perhaps i should have gone out for clubbing earlier, maybe its all meant to be. There's no turning back. There won't be. Because time doesn't rewind, there's no once more. Just once.

Found myself crying to sleep again. Can you tell me why?

Don't ask me why

2010-05-20T20:20:00.001+08:00

With my moods going up and down, there's only 2words multiply by a lot of times to describe me. Example as of below,

(Him Shit Him Shit Him Shit Him Shit Him again, Shit Cherish stop it stop it)^5 x9999 = my mood.

WTF

Not so much of a update eh? Because actually, i don't know what my brain is doing to my body right now. So yeah (: